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Archive for the ‘Quotable Quotes’ Category

joycemeyerWiki on Joyce Meyer: Pauline Joyce Hutchison Meyer, more commonly known as Joyce Meyer (born on June 4, 1943) is a Charismatic Christian author and speaker. Her television and radio programs air in 25 languages in 200 countries, and she has written over 70 books on Christianity. Some say she is a proponent of the prosperity gospel, although she does not accept that term for her teachings. Joyce and her husband, Dave, have four grown children, and live near St. Louis, Missouri. Her ministry is headquartered in the St. Louis suburb of Fenton, Missouri.

Joyce Meyer on being a millionaire preacher: You can be a businessman here in St. Louis, and people think the more you have, the more wonderful it is. But if you’re a preacher, then all of a sudden it becomes a problem.”

meyer11The Smart Aleck: “This from a preacher, who claims to follow the lifestyle of Christ who was born in a manger and said it’s more difficult for a “rich man to enter heaven than for a camel to enter the needle of an eye.”

Joyce Meyer on owning a private jet: “There’s no need for us to apologize for being blessed.”

The Smart Aleck: “What was it that Jesus said about selling, what you have and giving it to the poor?”

Joyce Meyer on her extravagant lifestyle: “The Word is Faith, Seed Faith, Name It And Claim it. If you want money you need to ask for it.”

The Smart Aleck: “Right! Follow the Joyce Meyer lifestyle to get rich. In any other industry you have to invest time, money and labour. In the Ministry industry alone, you can get people to empty their pockets without giving them anything other than hot air in return.”

meyer2Joyce Meyer to get people to loosen their purse-strings: “To give is godly. Never fear giving too much in the name of God, even if it means sacrificing dinners out during the three-day conference. Fear, is the work of the devil. Make your checks payable to Joyce Meyer Ministries/Life in the Word. And million is spelled M-I-L-L-I-O-N. An East Coast woman gave me stock worth that amount. I didn’t have that thing for five minutes and I said, ‘OK, God. Next I’ll take $5 million.”

The Smart Aleck: “Joyce Meyer has found the ultimate milch cow, gullible Christians, who make her richer with their contributions, and remain poorer for the same.”

Jocye Meyer’s open demands: “I want $7 million check. That would really bless me.”

The Smart Aleck: “It would also really bless me, if I can sell my soul to the devil for a private jet, a multi-million dollar home and a $ 100,000 worth automobile.”

Joyce Meyer on whom the money is for: “God does not need our money. The giving thing is not for Him, it’s for us.”

The Smart Aleck: “God does not need the contributions so it goes to the Meyers’ private accounts.”

Joyce Meyer on her items for sale: “Our volunteers will give you a 20-page catalog listing Joyce joycemeyer_lgMeyer’s products for sale. Videotapes, audiotapes, books, CDs, calendars and coffee mugs are available. What is a good buy? The $3 for palm-size books and $110 for videotape packages of “Enjoying Everyday Life. Buy $500 worth of product and get $100 free.”

Joyce Meyer on homosexuality: “God will cure headaches, depression, stomach problems, drug addiction and homosexuality.”

The Smart Aleck: “Typical Christian conservative nonsense: Clubbing one’s sexual preferences with drug addiction and depression.”

Joyce Meyer, the money-churner: “”If you sow, you will reap. I believe stingy people are very unhappy people. I want you to give your best offering. I believe one person could write one check to cover all of the expenses of this one conference. Don’t procrastinate, because procrastination is the tool of the devil.”

Joyce Meyer ironically brought out a book Me and My Big Mouth: Your Answer is Right Under Your joyce3Nose that embodies her statement: “I can stand up and talk all day and not even know what is coming out of my mouth next.”

Joyce Meyer on etiquette: “Nobody leaves the hall during sessions. I have to talk for two hours without going to the bathroom. If I can wait, so can you.”

Joyce Meyer on up-selling: “Don’t be a $10 man all your life. Don’t even be a $100 man all your life. Be a $ 1000 man. You have to give sometimes until it hurts. It needs to cost you something.”

Joyce Meyer on begging for money: “I don’t have to stand here and beg. What God wants you to do here tonight is to pay for somebody else to watch my show.”

Joyce Meyer on freebies: “These 50 books are “free” for a $1,000 offering.”

Joyce Meyer scores it over therapists: “My $100 an hour audiotapes are cheaper than the one you get from those professional shrinks.”

Joyce Meyer on Christians criticizing her extravagant lifestyle: “Don’t be jealous of what some body’s got. It’s not about somebody getting your money. You need to give.”

personality-dollars

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Wiki on Lalu Prasad Yadav: Mr Yadav is a politician from the state of Bihar. He is currently the Minister of Railways in the ruling United Progressive Alliance(UPA) government and the president of the Rashtriya Janata Dal.

He is currently a Member of Parliament in the 14th Lok Sabha from the Chhapra constituency. He is known for his charismatic leadership and mass appeal among some of the backward castes and religious minorities, caste-based politics, as well as for the many corruption cases against him during his political tenure.

Lalu after rumours that Mayawati might emerge as a PM candidate: “I do not rule out the possibility of being prime minister of India one day, but there is still time.”

The smart aleck:“It may not be such a distant possibility considering that people with lesser vote-banks like IK Gujaral, Chandramohan and Manmohan Singh have become prime ministers.”

Lalu on Communism: “I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.”

 The smart aleck: I’m sure people in Bihar would have been inspired by the way he got out of tough situations in corruption charges like the disproportionate assets case and the Fodder scam.

Lalu on why he leads a luxurious life: “I work so much. If I don’t get all the comforts, I will turn mad.”

Lalu, the veterinarian: “If you do not milk the cow fully, it falls sick.”

Lalu on handling the Railways portfolio: My mother always told me not to handle a buffalo by its tail, but always catch it by its horns. And I have used that lesson in everything in my life, including the Railways.

The smart aleck: I wonder what buffaloes have to do with getting his relatives cushy jobs in the railway department?

Lalu on lobbying industrial groups: Why should I tell you where I am going to get funds from? If I were to do that then all the vested interests would get alerted. You must be aware that railways are full of such elements and my fight is against them.

 

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Wiki on Lal Krishna Advani: Mr Advani is a politician who served as deputy PM from 2002 to 2004 and is currently the Leader of the Opposition in the 14th Lok Sabha. He is a senior leader of the BJP, which has named him as its Prime Ministerial candidate for the General Elections due in May 2009.

Advani on the RSS-BJP connection: “I laud the efforts of the RSS. When we reflect at BJP today as a building, these people are the foundation stones.”

Advani on Narendra Modi: “Under Modi’s leadership, Gujarat will be able to achieve rural development in a manner in which it has not been achieved previously in India.”

The smart aleck: The UN, the US (denial of visa to Modi for “violating religious freedom”), NHRC and every right-minded individual condemned the Modi government’s brutal killings of Muslims. But since Mr Modi ensured rural economic development, instilled a sense of nationalism with his Hindutva speeches and more importantly won the elections on the spin-doctrine following Godhra, the BJP leadership is still proud to associate with him.

Advani on the horse trading during the Karnataka polls: “Some MLAs may have personal differences. But all differences should be dealt with amicably within the party framework.”

The smart aleck:So they amicably settled differences by air-lifting the entire lot of 65 BJP Karnataka MLAs to Chennai and holding them captive in the Hotel Accord Metropolitan.

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My friend and colleague’s son studies in Sathyabama, so we have a great supply of Jeppiar jokes from him.

At the convocation, he attended:

(After he arrived 10 minutes late) Jeppiar: I don’t say Sorry. Sari you get in Saravana stores.

(To traditional parents who are dead-against dating) Jeppiar: Boy-Boy talk. Girl-Girl talk. Boy-girl no talk!

Jeppiar on his family: I have two daughters. Both of them are girls…

Jeppiar to students: All of you, stand in a straight circle

The girl with the mirror please come her…{Meaning girl with specs).

I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk ?

Why are you late – say YES or NO

In this wonderful college, girls and boys must not talk to each other. If they do its a crime!

If anyone two innocent conversationalists are caught red-handed committing this crime, their names and photographs appear on the notice boards and I don’t know if the two involved get to wear black badges

Girls and boys touching each other is also a crime. Since its impractical for the college bus to pick girls and boys separately, they do travel together. But in case, the bus driver applies a sudden break and a girl brushes against a boy?

Well, Mr Jeppiar cordons off the boys’ side from the girls’ side on the bus with a rope.

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His has been the most notable face among the Christian gospelers. He has presided over several thousand ‘miracle healing’ meetings wherein countless ‘sufferers’ have had their illness or afflictions, ranging from common cold to blindness, ‘cured’ through prayers.

But when it came to healing his own troublesome knee, D G S Dinakaran, the well-known evangelist in question, seems to have reposed faith with a team of doctors at a local hospital rather than hobble around and wait for divine help.”

-NT Bureau

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An RSS cadre on Gandhi:“He was a very cruel person for the Hindus”

The RSS cadre on Gandhi: “We did not want this person to live….We did not want this person to die a natural death, even if 10 lives were to be lost in this purpose”

Guessed who, the RSS man was? None other than Nathuram Vinayak Godse, the assasin of Mahatma Gandhi.

K. S. Sudarshan, sarsanghachalak of RSS, on avatars: “Every civilisation goes through the natural cycle of rise and fall and we are currently in the grip of a decline. Just like in the Mahabharata, I have to play the role of Krishna in the kali yuga.”

The smart aleck: “Forget me, the atheist. I don’t think that comment would go down too well with the theists either.”

K. S. Sudarshan on the Pope Benedict XVI and George Bush nexus: “Pope Benedict XVI and George Bush are conspiring to turn India into a Christian nation. Mr Bush knows that at the touch of a mouse, who is to be converted.”

The smart aleck: We have a feeling the CIA’s tracking everyone – it has no business to be tracking – illegally, apart from the poor, misguided, evangelistic, Christian minority missionaries. As to Interpol’s tracking down of non-entities in India, one can’t be too sure.

K. S. Sudarshan on how the CIA will go about it: “American Intelligence is seeking to convert India to Christianity with the help of non-governmental organizations. The CIA wants to have one Christian church in every post office area. To attain this end, the American President Bush allocated 20 billion dollars. So NGOs started to build schools, hospitals and public infrastructure only to veer the rural people away from their Hindu moorings. Missionaries are also involved in this plan, because they mislead tribals when they say we invaded their land.”

The smart aleck: I doubt anyone can forcibly get converted to Christianity. But I have seen a few persons, who have become pastors, for pure monetary reasons; for some poverty drove them; for others it was greed. We must also accept that none of the independent (protestant) pastors protested against the Gujarat riots, the Iraq war or Israeli atrocities in Palestine, when they could protest and conduct rallies against the anti-conversion law in TN and the Graham Steines incident. Just like the US Army has the feeling that only American deaths count, some Christians here also have the mentality that only atrocities against Christians count. So the accusation of the hard-line RSS is to a small extent true, in that, independent pastors are very faithful to their US masters or funding agents.

K. S. Sudarshan’s counter for Bush’s agenda: “I will spread Hindu spirituality in America.”

K. S. Sudarshan’s on the BJP poster-boys or BJP poster-grand dads: Atal and Advani should step aside. We don’t consider anyone Atalji’s successor.                                                       

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Wiki on Sonia Gandhi: Born Edvige Antonia Albina Maino, Ms Gandhi is an Indian politician, the President of the Indian National Congress and the widow of former Prime Minister of India, Rajiv Gandhi. She is the Chairperson of the ruling United Progressive Alliance in the Lok Sabha, and the leader of the Congress Parliamentary Party. She was named the third most powerful woman in the world by Forbes magazine in 2004.

Sonia on why they opposed the Left in Kerala, while supporting the Left in West Bengal: “The biggest challenge at the national level is to defeat communal forces for which the support of the Left parties was essential but the party is opposed to the Left in Kerala because the UPA’s aim is to ensure economic development and social harmony.”

The smart aleck: Last, I heard the Congress, turned a blind eye to Nandigram to ensure the economic development of the Tata Group and disturb the social harmony of displaced farmers in Nandigram

Sonia Gandhi on dynasty politics: “I belong to a political family.”

The smart aleck: Right ho! Her mother-in-law, Her father-in-law, Her husband, Her son, Her daughter…I missed someone. Yeah! Its herself, – the woman behind the sucess of Mr Manmohan Singh’s puppet act in Parliament

Sonia Gandhi on back-seat politics: “I don’t disown our responsibility and my responsibility as Prime Minister.”

The smart aleck: Proof, that MPs prefer to seek favours at 10, Janpath (residence of Cong prez Sonia Gandhi) instead of 7, Race Course Road (the PM’s residence)

Sonia Gandhi’s attempt at poetry:“Together we can face any challenges as deep as the ocean and as high as the sky.”

Sonia Gandhi on Dr Singh:”My complaint with Dr Singh is that he sometimes does not highlight his achievements enough.”

The smart aleck: Yeah! Tough luck for the poor chap, who has to say “Salaam, Madam” hundred times a day

Sonia Gandhi after women protested naked with banners crying “Indian Army men rape us”:“I have issued instructions that while handling the situation in Upper Assam innocent civilians should not be harassed.”

The smart aleck: And she’s not only the de-facto Prime Minister, she’s also the de-facto President. She gets to order the Indian Army around.

Sonia Gandhi: “I am resigning my post in the Parliament. I have done this because I think it is the right thing to do.”

The smart aleck: And then did a very smart thing, by contesting for the same post in the elections that were held, because she resigned the post in the first place.

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