TO STOP UR KIDS FROM GOING TO HELL, SEND Rs 2000 or $ 200 TO PAUL DINAKARAN

Yeah! I could’nt believe it. But there’s proof from the Dinakarans . Now everyone knows nasty Satan is out to lure your kids away from Christ and into drugs, TV, dating, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. So what do you do….

You have many options:

a) You can make the following minimum pledge according to your place of residence: India Rs. 2000 US $ 200 (Now since most of you can’t spend time praying for your own kids, get the staff @ Jesus calls to pray for them. )

b) For parents too poor to cough up 2k for prayers, we have installments!

c)And for those who have wads of dough, the Dinakarans urge you to

“Kindly do not stop your contribution towards the Young Partner Plan after the pledge as 50% of our Young partners do. By contributing regularly every month towards this plan you will receive the new mercies from God every day for the month according to Lamentations 3: 22,23 and also the number of souls saved because of this ministry will be added to your account (not your bank account dumbo). So, your reward on earth and in heaven will be great.
Be assured that you are always surrounded by the effectual prayers of the Dhinakarans and the prayers of our anointed Prayer Warriors who put forth your prayer requests before the throne of God and intercede daily on your behalf in the 24 hours Prayer Tower. “

Yeah, don’t stop sending money, as 50% of the other youngsters with short-term memory loss. Keep sending the notes in so that the Dinakarans don’t forget you in their prayers.

And the point of sale: Since you continue to sin, we will continue to intercede on your behalf, say the dinakarans. Let me get their twisted logic straight: If what the Dinakarans say is right, then they can afford their AC super-deluxe homes, BMWs and Rolex watches only if people keep sinning and calling Jesus calls.

So if everyone gets converted and the whole world becomes Christian, the Dinakarans might not have a penny to call their own. Wow! What a solution to all the world’s problems. Guys stop sinning, stop feeling guilty and we won’t have millionaire preachers like Benny Hinn, Joyce Meyer & Pat Boone ranting on our TV sets.

Prayer Warriors (PW) – The inside scoop from a couple of prayer warriors @ Jesus calls.

Little known facts about prayer warriers:

*The PWs do night shifts just like BPOs, to keep the cash counters ringing, sorry I meant the prayers 24-hours non-stop.
*The PWs have females too. So if you have marital troubles and are female, u’d have female PWs conselling u on the need to be a christian wife and obey and submit to your tryanical, overbearing MCP husband. If you were a man, you’d have a male PWs telling you were the head of the family and you wear the pants at home.
*The PWs get payed Rs 2000 a month. And they handle on an average 60 calls a day. So imagine 60 X Rs 2000 (the amount the hapless parents pay for prayers for their deviant kid) means Jesus calls gets Rs 1.2 lakhs a day from one PW. Say, Jesus calls has 50 workers, then its earnings that day is Rs 60 lakhs. And their earnings per month is Rs 18 crores……Whopee! Running a Christian BPO to handle prayers is serious good business.

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TPM – The Pentecostal Mission

*Comments have been re-opened but will be moderated

Have you guys heard of The Pentecostal Mission (TPM)? I’m sure you must have heard some half-baked guys singing loudly, off-tune and with reverberations of “Hallelluiah” and “Praise the Lord” every five minutes late into the night in your neighbourhood. Well these guys are part of the “Halleluiah goshti” or Pentecostals.

The strong, fanatical and only true followers of Christ are the TPM members.

The TPM members feel that they are unlike the lilies of the valley, which neither spin nor toil and let their heavenly father take care of them. Either these guys live in morbid fear of hell or an intense longing for heaven: Otherwise I find it hard to interpret their fanatical devotion to misinterpreting the Bible.Some of the things that are likely to get the goat of non-believers (in their language this word includes the poor, deluded Christians who are not part of their denomination as well):

*The women do not preach in church or elsewhere. You see Paul said women were to be silent in church, so the decree: No woman pastors needed. For was not Eve, the first sinner who enticed Adam to sin, a woman? Anyway these worthy disciples of Apostle Paul (who did not get married) and Apostle Peter (who found the ministry more interesting than the cares of domestic life) do not let women preach or talk in church. A woman’s duty is to listen to the men in the church, for are not men the heads of the family like Christ is the head of the church? I wonder how they always manage to come up with verses that suit their convenience. When I quote the Bible that “men and women are equal in the eyes of God,” I’m the “devil quoting the scriptures.”

*The brothers and sisters in the church lead a life more austere and Augustine than the Trappisian monks. Yup! No coloured uniforms. Plain white robes and even plainer food is the order of the day for the full-time workers of this church. I wonder how they can forgive God for creating the bright-yellow of the daffodils, the azure of the violets or the dark reds of the geraniums? Or do they feel he was wasting his time by creating dye-producing plants like the Indigo? Even the lay people in the church come every Sunday to church dressed in white. If they associate white with purity is black the colour of the devil and the BMWs, which some of their chief pastors own, the machinations of the devil? >:)

*No medicines. Medicines are taboo, according to them for is not Christ the supreme healer? This is quite a horrific misinterpretation of the Bible. My first clash with ultra-Christianity came at the age of 8, when I was vacationing in Rameswaram. A worker at the Mission hospital told us a story of how their neighbour’s child died of typhoid, because the child Christian parents wanted divine healing. The little girl, had been extremely sick, but the parents refused to take the girl to a doctor. The worker told us how all the neighbours were planning to forcibly take the child to the hospital, when the child died. He told me, the worst blow, the parents had was when the pastor, told them that the child had died because they had doubted that God would heal the child. Later, on I heard more stories of how people had to have their legs amputated, their skins peppered with diseases, because they believed God would someday heal them. Even, when I was a god-fearing Christian, I viewed all this extreme distaste. Now that I’m out of the Christian fold, I can find similarities between this fanaticism and the fanaticism that leads people from other faiths to kill their own children as sacrifices at the altar of another God.*This church doesn’t believe in letting its members see the TV, hear ungodly music on the radio or read anything ungodly. Anything apart from the Bible and their monthly text of piety called The Pentecost is termed ungodly by these people, who are the self-proclaimed true-Christians.

*Another ridiculous thing is that they don’t believe in letting women wear jewels. Apparently men wearing Rolex watches and flaunting their Fords will not in anyway increase their vanity. But women, the avaricious creatures that they are, will go haywire at the sight of gold. I think all this idiocy stems from Paul’s saying that it is better that a woman adorns herself with good works, than with jewellery or braiding their hair. Well Paul said: Its better you do this than that, but The TPM interpretation: Women must not wear jewels. So if you see most Pentecostal woman in India have to forgo gold – a security and investment, as it increases their vanity. In foreign countries I’m sure this Pentecostal teaching is no hardship, but in India, with every other housewife being decked like a jewellery showroom, it must be a pretty hard cross for these women to b(w)ear. After years of staying in the TPM church, my grandma moved away. Now, she sees the pastors’ wives in more liberal Pentecostal churches wearing jewels and badly wants to wear jewels again, but doesn’t do so because she feels it will look ridiculous to resume wearing jewels at her age. Why all this deprivation? Why all the fuss? Wear jewels if you feel like it, since its normal in Indian society for women to wear jewels. Anyway if they are going to misread Paul’s statement like that, they must also wear their hair loose and never use hair clips, hair pins, barrettes, ribbons or braid their hair. For did not Paul say it is better for a woman to adorn herself with good works than wear JEWELS or BRAID her HAIR?

Error Regreted, Clarification: I had earlier made some references to the TPM’s history, it now appears that:

“Chief Pastor Alwin de Alwis was excommunicated by Pastor M. Daniel in France faith home on charges of sexual misbehavior.  Pastor Alwin was subsequently forced out of CPM by Freddy Paul and other senior ministers.  This took place in 1962/63.

Pastor Philip Chandapillai, Associate Chief Pastor, was assaulted by TPM believers at the Kottarakara, Kerala center faith home for changing the name from CPM to TPM.  This took place in 1983/84.”

Author’s note: This post was written more than a year ago. There are some things in the post like “half-baked guys” & “Halleluiah goshti” that I wish I had not written now. Those words sound hasty & immature. I want to apologise if I have hurt the sentiments of TPM members. But I still stand by my doctrinal criticism of the church. I have also posted another article – in which I have recounted the history of the TPM as told to me by a current TPM member.

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